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The Keys to Inner Healing: Love and Forgiveness

Writer's picture: Natalie A. FranciscoNatalie A. Francisco

There are many things I have learned and know for sure, and one of them is that I must walk in love and forgive, even when I don’t feel like it. After all, love does cover a multitude of sins and faults, and the greater the love we have for others, the smaller their shortcomings will become. Jesus is the perfect portrait of love and forgiveness based on what He said when His accusers hung Him on a cross after being ridiculed, spat upon, bruised and beaten. He said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” (Luke 23:24)


That doesn’t mean that we should totally ignore the actions of persons that prove detrimental to our mental, emotional and physical wellbeing. There is no excuse for those who batter and abuse others in any way, shape or form. Jesus became the ultimate sacrifice by taking on the sins of the entire world, so there is no need to sacrifice ourselves by allowing others to mistreat and misuse us. Abuse of any kind is reprehensible and should not be tolerated in any relationship, friendship or association. Every human being deserves to be treated with dignity and respect which must be given if it is to be gained.


We are to forgive others not so much for their sakes, but for ours. Refusing to forgive causes resentment, bitterness and anger to develop which hurts the person who harbors those feelings more than the offender, who seemingly goes along merrily in life as if he or she could care less. However, releasing the offender and placing them in the hands of God takes strength of character and commitment. Doing so will free our mind, spirit and body in such a way that allows God to heal the hurts and scars that are hidden to others but openly revealed to Him.


In order to truly forgive, we must seek to truly love others as we learn to love ourselves without preconceived conditions. Unconditional love is not based on what a person does or does not do, but rather on a choice to love in spite of what a person does or does not do. There is an entire chapter in the Bible dedicated to the subject and power of love in 1 Corinthians 13 that we should read and meditate upon often, especially when we need to demonstrate more love toward others. To paraphrase the chapter, Paul shows us that love sees the good and not the evil. Love sees the intentions rather than the expectations. Love sees the best instead of the worst. Doesn’t that sound like what couples pledge to do when they say their wedding vows: “to love and to honor, and to be true to one another for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness or in health, ‘til death us do part?” These are vows that should be committed to and taken seriously between husbands and wives.


Whether we are married or single, letting go of the need to control or judge others and to always be right requires compromising and seeing from another person’s point of view with empathy. This attitude of the mind, heart and will can mend relationships within homes, churches, workplaces, communities and even nations as we seek to do so for the mutual benefit of the parties involved. Loving and forgiving those who offend, especially those with whom we share our lives, is a necessity. Doing so honors God and ensures that He forgives us of our trespasses as well.


There are some who might say, “I can forgive and have forgiven, but I’ll never forget.” I can identify with that statement because I have an incredible memory. For those like me, we need not forget the incident, but allow it to serve as a red flag to set boundaries rather than brick walls or barriers, so that a particular offense will not occur again to that magnitude. Choosing to forgive and replace the memory of ill will with a positive thought that incites passion instead of pain will bring healing. I’ve heard it said that if time was all that we needed to heal, then God would be unnecessary. Of course, we know the latter is untrue. We need God as much as we need the air that we breathe, especially to love those who seem to be unlovable and to forgive those who should be unforgivable if we rely on our human nature alone.


The unconditional love of God can work in and through a woman who has been raped or abused to heal her and give her the power to forgive her rapist and abuser. Only the incomprehensible love that flows from God, Who is LOVE, can penetrate and remove the callous coating of a woman’s heart who finds it difficult to love and forgive herself or others. It takes God’s love to prevail in a situation where a woman blames herself for actions of a relative or a person she trusted who molested her as a child. Oh, yes, the love of God is able to cover a multitude of sins, heal us, and set us free indeed!


Here are 3 principles undergirded by scripture that will assist in learning how to love and forgive others, not for their sake, but for our own, on our journey toward inner healing.


  1. God sees and understands our pain and will forgive us and help us to forgive others once we confess that we need His help.

Psalm 25:18 “Look upon mine affliction and my pain;and forgive all my sins.

Psalm 86:5 “For thou, Lord, [art] good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee.”


  1. The forgiveness we receive from God is in direct proportion to the forgiveness we give to others.

Matthew 6:12 & 14-15 “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors...For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your t trespasses.”


  1. Avoiding judgment and condemnation and choosing to forgive others will cause the same behavior to be reciprocated toward us.

Luke 6:37-38 “Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven: Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom.  For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.”


Is there a person in your life who has greatly offended you and needs your forgiveness? If so, you can begin the process of allowing God’s love to flow through you to forgive him or her right now.


Often times, past experiences have caused so much pain and guilt that it makes it difficult to forgive ourselves. We cannot move forward to fulfill destiny unless we leave the past behind along with the victim mentality. Doing so is a process, but we can start immediately by making a moment by moment decision to love unconditionally and to forgive wholeheartedly.


Do you have any controlling behaviors, judgmental attitudes or anything to prove to show someone that you were or are right? If so, honestly admit your areas of concern to God and seek Him for His help, forgiveness and love so that you can administer it to those who need it the most in your life.

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